In Detox...

It's been almost four months since I returned from the trail.

I'm sitting here at the keyboard lost, caught between the realm of the living and an unfulfilled dream, trying to make sense of where I am with things. On one hand, I feel triumphant for the successes I have achieved and the things I experienced out in the wilderness, but on the other hand, I feel like I've wasted the four months since my return, trying to figure out what to do next with my life. In my time on the trail, I became even less fearless about the challenges life has to offer, as if there is nothing that I can't do or achieve. How fantastic to be able to perceive life in that way, but this fearlessness is a double-edged sword. For now, I am presented with so many options, I cannot decide which way to go.

I have written over 300 pages so far, transcribing my journal into a memoir which represents only about 6 weeks of my hike. This will at least double by the time I am done, and from that, I will probably cut it down to half or even a third as I work on the final manuscript for my book. While my journal only contains a paragraph or two for each day that I hiked, my photos have served to jog my memory and provide an extensive resource to draw from. It is only now, while I am writing, that I can finally begin to comprehend and come to appreciate the depth of my experience. While I was hiking, I was too self-absorbed with the daily tribulations of finding shelter, food and water.

It is only several months from now that I would begin hiking this year to continue my journey. But there are so many challenges I have to overcome between now and then if it's to become a reality. And more importantly, I have not even sat down to discuss my potential return with my wife and what the implications of that are.

I will be updating my blog frequently from now on. For those of you still checking in, I thank you.

Muddyshoes